Thursday, 25 September 2008
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Could you marry a minister?
I just read Shanella's post and it inspired me to write a post of my own.Shanella's mother dropped a bomb on her when she told her that she wanted her to marry a preachers son. It's ironic because I was actually writing a novel where this same situation takes place. In my novel, the pastor's son is automatically expected to be a pastor some day but he isn't sure that's what he wants to do.The son is engaged unbeknownst to his parents and is considering getting married really soon. The only problem is that his wife-to-be doesn't want to be the wife of a minister.
Would you want to marry a minister? Why or why not? Do you think that it would be more difficult to me married to a man/woman of the cloth than a regular public servant?
If you are married to a minister, what advice would you give anyone contemplating the idea?
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Comments (11)
I do not think I would want to marry a pastor. I have been in leadership and I know what goes on behind the scenes. I think I would feel very much a hypocrit being married to the leader of the church and know what his personal life is really like. I am sorry to say this but I have lived life under a microscope for too long and do not ever want to be there again.
My mother thinks I'm going to marry a youth pastor. I think there is an expectation of you as a pastor's wife that is difficult to live under. I think it can be done, but sometimes people put undo pressure on p.w.'s
@mamacita7913@xanga - I understand exactly. When God first called me to minister I had many relatives that doubted my calling. I didn't behave "unholy" outside of chruch. I just acted like myself. They seemed to think that once you understand and aceept your calling that you should walk around actomg religious all the time. I coudn't be married to a pastor either. Not so much because I wouldn't want to see his faults or feel that I am being placed under the microscope myself but because I know there is a great responsibility with that position and I dont' think I would want to "share" my husband all the time. lol
@ccarothers - I agree. There is definately a lot of pressure being a PW. I'll admit when I see a minister, I do "check his wife out". I don't know why but it's always interesting to see what his "other haal" is like. I think some minister's put undo pressure on their spouses too. They feel that because they are called to preach and/or pastor that their wives are too when such is not always the case.
as a pastor's daughter I can tell you that marriage to a pastor is one of THE hardest things out there! Your husband is shared with the entire congregation, his time is required to listen to people. He has to spend time preparing and leading and it's hard!
I think my mom's the best for being a pastor's wife, she's so social, she's able to meet and talk to people and make them comfortable. I on the other hand am not. I would be horrible at it and if I do it it will take so much out of me .... At this time I cannot see being a pastor's wife ... yet, I am not saying that I can never be. :)
@shanella - I understand what you mean completely. As a pastor's wife you have to worry about caring for your husband, the kids, the house and all of the people that God has entrusted your husband with as well. I can imagine the wives of pastor's feeling like they can never get enough time alone with their husbands becasue they are always so busy as you mentioned in your post.
I happed to be a very social person and get along well with virtually everyone but I think once you enter into leadership you have very little expectation of privacy and that might be a problem for me.
@nita105 - yes, there is no privacy. you are in the spotlight, your children are in the spotlight ... and that's a lot of pressure for a child to be the person the adults are looking at and making judgement calls about and in some sad cases telling their OWN kids "why can't you be like the pastor's kid?" it doesn't make for good relationships with your peers in that case.
@shanella - I know! It doesn't just stop there. I've seen spouses tell one another that they should be more like the pastor or their spouse and I dont' think that's fair.
I'm sure that was a lot of pressure for you from the adults and your peers but thank God He brought you through it.
Now that I think about it, a pastor's kid may connect better with another pk seeing as though it's very likely that they are used to the intrusive lifestyle and can truly understand the cross their children would have to carry.
A pastor's wife, pretty much, has to share in the calling..don't you think? It seems, from all the comments above, that you all agree. There 's the "under the microscope" thing, the awesome responsiblilty thing, the sharing your husband thing....all very hard to do if you aren't "called" to that life.'
But that is what marriage is.....you are as one.
To answer your question, NO!!!
I have dated pastors before and it has never worked out. To repeat what everyone else has said before, your life and your actions are scrutinzed to the most minute detail. From my own personal experience, I have dated those who profess one thing and live totally different lives in secret which in turn causes me to disregard their message. It's easy to just break up with your boyfriend if you disagree with his lifestyle, not so easy if you're a wife who disagrees with her husband.
Maybe I've had too many bad experiences that have jaded me, but unless God says otherwise, I'm staying away. Thanks for posting
Hello Mrs. Waters,
You made your site so simple yet elegant but I see that you don’t write here much anymore!
I want to help people to really get to know Jehovah God and His plans, especially in these troubled times. "They've made a career of opposing God, and have gotten mighty good at it. But God is fed up, ready to put an end to it." (1Thessalonians 2:16) (MSG)